BEING NICE IS COOL: SAY THANK YOU

Gratitude is important.

Admittedly, I haven't always been the best (or the most timely) in expressing my gratitude, but I'm working on it. A few weeks ago, stemming from an exercise in The Artist's Way, I sent thank you notes to two academics—an administrator and a professor—who shaped my personhood and my career. These two were always patient, kind, and gracious. They remained confident in me, even when I forgot to do my homework or fell short on an exam performance. A decade later, their faith in me serves as a strong reminder of the power of having people root for you, and the importance of rooting for others, too.

Both have written me back, and the dialogue continues. I received a message from the professor right before a major professional milestone this morning, and, without a doubt, his email was a lucky charm. It feels so great to recognize these positive people, and it feels even greater knowing my work with students makes them feel proud and valued.

So, here's a challenge: take this week to send two cards (handwritten!) to two teachers, professors, or academic advisors who have influenced you in some way. Whether you've spoken recently or lost touch years ago, your sentiments and gratitude will serve as a welcome boost for all.

SQUARING AWAY FROM NEGATIVITY

It's time to square away with your negativity.

I recently commented on a website I’ve been visiting—well, more like lurking around—for years. I took a risk in expressing my unpopular opinion, and within fifteen minutes, the name-calling began. Sure, the decision to press publish on my comments in that particular environment was a grave miscalculation—I’ll own that. (It’s interesting to note, though, that my feelings on this particular issue were so strong that I finally got the courage to comment.)

What’s more troublesome, however, was my inability to sleep after pressing "publish." A tidal wave of negativity and staccato stream of angry thoughts yanked my drooping eyes and sleepy mind back to restlessness.

I was stuck in the infinite loop.

Can you relate? Negative self-talk (“I shouldn’t have had that bagel; I am going to be the fattest girl at the bachelorette party. Ugh, and everyone will see what a cow I am on instagram!”) and reinforcing self-doubt (“The other associates are so much smarter than I am. Why am I here? I’m a total fraud!”) do nothing but damage our self-esteem, productivity, and happiness. The good news? That damage is stoppable and, daresay, reversible. So, how did I (and how can you) break the cycle?

It’s easy: get square.

That’s right, break the loop by going square. Square breathing is nothing new—you can read about it here. I’ve found it super effective in rising above negativity, cultivating patience and calm, and getting to sleep when I just can’t count any more sheep.

Square breathing is easy, portable, and customizable. Take a look at the diagram below. The breath cycle is broken up into four equal segments: inhale to inflate the belly, hold the breath, exhale by contracting the navel in towards the spine, and hold the exhale.

The one, two, three, and four of square breathing.

Customize square breathing by pairing it with a mantra. Some of my favorites:

• “I am happy, healthy, wealthy, and wise.” Try this once for each of the four segments.

• “Sat nam.” (Truth is my identity.) Try “sat” for the inhale and first hold, and “nam” on the exhale and second hold.

• “Good orderly direction.” Try this phrase in its entirety for each of the four segments.

Feel free to try your own mantra. If phrases aren’t your thing, a simple “1–2–3–4” for each segment will do.

Remember, you can try this in the office, on the train, in the waiting room, under the covers, or 36,000 feet above the Atlantic when you're contemplating a skydive due to your neighbor's incessant armrest hogging.

Next time you’re caught in the vortex of negativity, no matter where you are, free yourself with square breathing. Let me know how it goes. Leave your experiences, tips, and mantras in the comments below.

IF YOU GET NERVOUS, FOCUS ON SERVICE

One of my favorite sayings goes as follows: “If you get nervous, focus on service.” Well, I’ve got lots of nerves and zero time for service. I can’t even spare six minutes for pro bono. Is this your thought cycle? No problem—let's break it today by broadening our understanding of what “service” actually means.

Service can be simple. Small acts like opening the door for someone or giving up your seat on the subway are tiny gestures that can make a big impact. Next time you’re caught up in the mental shitstorm of a commute, suspend the craze by pausing to look your coffee cashier in the eye and ask “How are you?” with a genuine smile. Even the slightest moment of recognition and connection can elevate someone’s day from ordinary to extraordinary.

Service can be personal. Take a moment to assess your skillset and passion. How can you take something you’re good at and put it to good use for a friend in need? Whether it’s reviewing your nonlawyer sorority sister’s new lease or engaging your hobby for web design to build a longtime friend’s new business website, there are plenty of opportunities for service within your reach. Seize them and watch the good vibes flow.

Service can be fun. Do some good and have a good time while you’re at it: organize an impromptu beach or park cleanup with friends and catch some rays at the same time (with a post-cleanup picnic, of course). Run a 5K for charity and meet your weekly miles quota while making a difference for others. Mentor a student. Prevent dust collectors by donating old books. Whether the activity is already structured or your very own Saturday afternoon brainchild, an escape from slothdom on the couch can be more than just meaningful—it can actually be fun.

This tiny phrase has proved a powerful tool in times when I find the anxiety or nerves beginning to buzz. It shifts my focus from negative to positive, and by turning my focus outwards, I can stop the tailspin within. What do you do in service of others (and, in doing so, service for your own self)? When was your last act of service? Which strategies above might you consider using to make a difference today, tomorrow, or even right now? Let me know in the comments below.